walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
