You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
