I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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