dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
