I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
