I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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