fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
