She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
