Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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