I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
