Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
