How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
