Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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