As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize