I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
