She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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