How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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