I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
