did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
