separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
