Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
