Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
