i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
