I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
