I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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