I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize