DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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