Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
