your parents love me but you hate me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
