my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
