I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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