I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Alive.
So much puke
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
