need another drink. this is the easiest way
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
