Is it because I queefed?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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