I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize