He asked to "fluff my boner.."
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
