Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
