i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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