I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
