windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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