Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
