we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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