shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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