This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize