you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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