Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
