it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
