Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
