So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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