So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
