What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
