she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
