arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
