Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize