I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
