no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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