And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
