I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
