That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
