You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
