i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
