my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
