Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
