Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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