k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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