you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
