A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
