I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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