You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You took a bar mat shot.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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