I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
