So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
