I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
