just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
