it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have aggressive nipples.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
