It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
