Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
