what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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