I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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