I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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