the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
