i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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