woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
