The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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