your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize